Complete Guide to Supporting Grieving Children and Teens
- suerepa
- Nov 10
- 7 min read
When a child loses someone they love, the world as they know it changes forever. As parents, caregivers, and educators, we want to help, but grief in children looks different than adult grief, and knowing how to provide the right support can feel overwhelming.
This comprehensive guide will help you understand how children and teens experience grief, recognize the signs they need support, and provide practical strategies to help them navigate one of life's most difficult experiences with compassion and hope.
Understanding How Children Experience Grief
Children don't grieve the way adults do. Their understanding of death, their emotional capacity, and their coping mechanisms all depend on their developmental stage. What works for a 7-year-old won't necessarily work for a 15-year-old.
How Grief Looks at Different Ages
Ages 3-5: The Concrete Thinkers
Young children see death as temporary and reversible, like a character in a cartoon who "comes back." They may ask the same questions repeatedly: "When is Grandma coming home?" This isn't denial; it's their brain trying to make sense of a permanent concept.
Signs of grief in young children:
Regression (bedwetting, thumb-sucking, baby talk)
Separation anxiety and clinginess
Changes in eating or sleeping patterns
Acting out the death through play
Physical complaints (tummy aches, headaches)
Ages 6-9: The Literal Learners
School-age children begin to understand that death is permanent, but they're intensely curious about the physical aspects. They might ask detailed questions about what happens to the body, where the person is now, or whether death is contagious.
Signs of grief in school-age children:
Difficulty concentrating at school
Guilt or magical thinking ("Did I cause this?")
Fear that other loved ones will die
Angry outbursts or withdrawal
Intense interest in death-related topics
Ages 10-12: The Emerging Adolescents
Pre-teens understand death intellectually but may struggle with the emotional weight. They're caught between childhood and adolescence, wanting to appear strong while feeling deeply vulnerable.
Signs of grief in pre-teens:
Mood swings and irritability
Withdrawal from family and friends
Drop in academic performance
Risk-taking behaviors
Physical symptoms without medical cause
Ages 13-17: The Complex Processors
Teenagers understand death as adults do, but they're also navigating identity formation, peer relationships, and independence. Grief can feel isolating when they believe "no one understands."
Signs of grief in teens:
Depression or anxiety
Substance use or other risky behaviors
Social withdrawal or excessive socializing
Anger and defiance
Existential questions about life and meaning
Common Grief Reactions in Children and Teens
Grief isn't just sadness. Children and teens may experience:
Emotional responses: Sadness, anger, guilt, fear, confusion, numbness, relief (especially after a long illness)
Physical responses: Fatigue, changes in appetite, sleep disturbances, headaches, stomach aches, muscle tension
Behavioral responses: Aggression, withdrawal, clinginess, regression, risk-taking, perfectionism
Cognitive responses: Difficulty concentrating, forgetfulness, intrusive thoughts, nightmares, magical thinking
Remember: There's no "right" way to grieve. Some children cry openly; others seem unaffected. Both are normal.
What Children Need When They're Grieving
1. Honest, Age-Appropriate Information
Children need clear, truthful explanations about what happened. Avoid euphemisms like "passed away," "lost," or "went to sleep." These can create confusion or fear.
Instead of: "We lost Daddy." Try: "Daddy died. His body stopped working, and he can't come back."
Instead of: "Grandma went to sleep." Try: "Grandma's body was very sick, and the doctors couldn't make it better. She died."
2. Permission to Feel All Their Feelings
Let children know that all emotions are okay: sadness, anger, guilt, even happiness. They need to hear: "It's okay to feel sad. It's also okay to laugh and have fun. Your feelings might change a lot, and that's normal."
3. Routine and Stability
When a child's world feels chaotic, routine provides safety. Maintain regular mealtimes, bedtimes, and school schedules as much as possible. Consistency helps children feel secure.
4. Opportunities to Remember
Children need ways to stay connected to the person who died. This might include:
Looking at photos together
Sharing favorite memories
Creating memory boxes or journals
Celebrating special occasions in their honor
Visiting meaningful places
5. Age-Appropriate Involvement
Include children in rituals and decisions when appropriate:
Attending the funeral or memorial service (with preparation)
Choosing flowers or music
Writing letters or drawing pictures
Helping plan remembrance activities
Always give children choices and respect their decisions.
Practical Strategies to Support Grieving Children
Create a Safe Space for Conversation
Follow their lead: Answer questions honestly, but don't overwhelm them with information they didn't ask for
Check in regularly: "How are you feeling today?" "Do you have any questions about what happened?"
Listen more than you talk: Sometimes children just need to be heard
Validate their feelings: "It makes sense that you're angry" or "I understand why you're scared"
Use Creative Expression
Many children find it easier to express grief through activities rather than words:
Art: Drawing, painting, or sculpting feelings
Writing: Journaling, poetry, or letters to the person who died
Music: Listening to meaningful songs or creating playlists
Play: Using toys or games to act out emotions
Reading: Comic books and stories about grief (like Grief Squad's Mom's Sky and Remembrall)
Establish Memory Rituals
Regular rituals help children maintain connection:
Lighting a candle on special occasions
Releasing balloons with messages
Planting a memorial garden
Creating an annual tradition in their honor
Making their favorite meal on birthdays
Maintain Physical Health
Grief affects the body. Encourage:
Regular sleep schedules
Nutritious meals (even when appetite is low)
Physical activity and outdoor time
Limiting screen time before bed
Staying hydrated
Model Healthy Grieving
Children learn by watching you. It's okay to:
Cry in front of them
Say "I'm having a hard day"
Share your own memories
Show that adults grieve too
Demonstrate healthy coping strategies
When to Seek Professional Grief Support
While grief is natural, some children need additional support. Consider professional help if your child:
Shows prolonged depression or anxiety (lasting more than several months)
Expresses thoughts of self-harm or suicide
Engages in dangerous or destructive behaviors
Has significant decline in school performance
Withdraws completely from friends and activities
Shows extreme guilt or believes they caused the death
Has physical symptoms that persist without medical cause
Experiences trauma symptoms (flashbacks, severe anxiety, nightmares)
Professional support might include:
Child therapy with a licensed therapist
Support groups for grieving children
School counseling services
Supporting Grieving Teens: Special Considerations
Teenagers need support but also independence. Here's how to balance both:
Respect their autonomy: Let them choose how they want to grieve and who they want to talk to
Stay available: Make it clear you're there when they're ready, without forcing conversation
Connect them with peers: Teen grief support groups can be incredibly valuable
Watch for warning signs: Substance use, risky sexual behavior, or social isolation require immediate attention
Normalize professional support: Suggest grief counseling as a strength, not a weakness
Give them space to lead: Let them plan memorial activities or choose how to honor the person who died
Common Mistakes to Avoid
Even with the best intentions, these phrases can hurt rather than help:
❌ "They're in a better place" (assumes religious beliefs) ❌ "Everything happens for a reason" (minimizes pain) ❌ "Be strong" (discourages emotional expression) ❌ "I know how you feel" (everyone's grief is unique) ❌ "At least..." (diminishes their loss) ❌ "Time heals all wounds" (grief doesn't have a timeline)
Instead, try: ✅ "I'm so sorry this happened" ✅ "I'm here for you" ✅ "It's okay to feel however you're feeling" ✅ "Tell me about [person who died]" ✅ "What do you need right now?"
Building a Grief-Supportive Home
Create an environment where grief is acknowledged and accepted:
Talk openly about death: Don't avoid the topic or the person's name
Display photos: Keep the person's memory visible
Share stories regularly: Make remembering a natural part of family life
Acknowledge hard days: Birthdays, holidays, and anniversaries will be difficult
Celebrate growth: Notice and honor how your child is coping and healing
Resources for Grieving Families
Books and Comics:
Grief Squad: Mom's Sky helps siblings process their mother's death from cancer
Grief Squad: Remembrall explores memory and staying connected to loved ones
Online Support:
Join a grief support community with monitored group chats by loss type
Access 24/7 AI grief companion support with Solace for immediate help
Participate in monthly grief coaching sessions
Professional Services:
Certified grief coaches specializing in children and families
Child therapists with bereavement training
School counselors and support groups
Free Activities:
Download grief activity guides for children
Access journaling prompts and creative expression tools
Find age-appropriate conversation starters
Moving Forward with Hope
Supporting a grieving child or teen is one of the hardest things you'll ever do. There will be moments when you don't know what to say, when your own grief makes it hard to be present, or when nothing seems to help.
But here's what matters most: You're showing up. You're trying. You're creating a safe space where grief is acknowledged, feelings are validated, and healing can happen at its own pace.
Grief doesn't have a finish line. Your child won't "get over" this loss. They'll learn to carry it as they grow. With your support, they'll discover that it's possible to hold both grief and joy, to remember and to live fully, to honor what was lost while building a meaningful future.
You don't have to do this alone. Whether it's through community support, professional coaching, creative resources like comic books, or 24/7 AI companions, help is available. The most important thing is that you and your child know: grief is not something to face in isolation.
Ready to Take the Next Step?
Explore our supportive grief community where families find connection, understanding, and practical tools for navigating loss together.
Book a free discovery call to learn how professional grief coaching can support your family's unique journey.
Download our free grief activities guide designed specifically for children and teens.
About the Author
Susan Repa, Founder of Grief Squad
With over 35 years of experience as a Child and Youth Counselor and ICF-certified grief coach (ACC), Susan Repa has dedicated her career to supporting families through loss. She holds a Certificate in Death, Dying, and Bereavement from Wilfrid Laurier University and is a Certified Dare to Lead™ facilitator trained by Brené Brown.
As a professor at Conestoga College and Special Advisor at Kemp Care Network, Susan combines professional expertise with lived experience to create compassionate, judgment-free grief support. She is the creator of the Grief Squad comic book series and Solace, a 24/7 AI grief companion designed to provide immediate support to those navigating loss.
Susan believes that grief is not something to "get over" but rather a journey to navigate with support, understanding, and hope.
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