The Club None of Us Asked to Join

When someone we love dies, we suddenly find ourselves part of a club we never signed up for. None of us asked to carry this kind of pain, yet here we are, learning how to live in a world that feels forever changed.

When Grief First Found Me

My first death experience happened when I was six years old. My papa died, and no one explained what was happening. I was not told the truth, I was not included, and I did not understand why he was suddenly gone. That silence left me with questions I carried for years.

The Year Everything Changed

At twenty-three, I experienced the death of my father. Our relationship was complicated, and the impact of his death was life-altering. He was only fifty-eight, and congestive heart failure took him far too soon. One month later, my grandfather died of prostate cancer. While I was grieving both losses, I was also supporting my sister and my mother. My mother had just lost her husband and then her father. She was in such shock that she was numb to it.

Looking back, 1986 is a blur. Much of it I do not remember. What I do remember are the firsts I shared with my mother: the first grocery shop, the first Christmas, the first anniversary. It was not about healing at that time; it was simply about moving through the dark and difficult days.

The Weight of "Should"

What made it even harder were the judgments from others: "You should be over this by now." My mother's response has stayed with me ever since: "I do not know why I should. He is still dead."

How Love Lives On

My mother is now eighty-eight years old. She celebrated her twenty-fifth wedding anniversary alone, but for her fiftieth,

she held a party to honour their marriage. I have now lived longer without my father than I lived with him, but his presence continues through my daughter and the game of football. My father and I used to watch NFL football together. His favourite team was the Dallas Cowboys with Tom Landry and Tony Dorsett. I loved those times with him, sharing his excitement for the game. I carried that tradition on with my daughter from the time she was born. Football Sundays and Monday nights became our time, though the teams shifted to the Patriots and now the Kansas City Chiefs and Miami Dolphins. She even played women's tackle football for three years and was part of Team Ontario Black, who won the Canadian Championships in 2023. Today, she plays Intercollegiate Flag Football. I know my dad is smiling and boasting about his granddaughter from heaven. His legacy lives on.

We All Grieve Differently

Another truth that became clear to me is that we all grieve differently. My mother, my sister, and I each carried the loss in our own way. My sister went back to university without skipping a beat right after the funeral, but her grief showed itself quickly. One day she realized she had left her drafting ruler, a gift from our father, in a lecture hall of two hundred students. She ran back, interrupted the class in session, and demanded her ruler. To others she may have looked irrational, but to her that ruler was a priceless connection to our father.

For me, grief came crashing down three years later. I was in a car accident that was not my fault. The young woman who hit me said, "I am so sorry." In that moment, every feeling I had been carrying surfaced. I answered, "You are sorry and my father is dead and I have no one to call to come and get me." We both cried.

Why This Community Exists

These experiences shaped me. They taught me how isolating grief can be, and how important it is to have a place where your story is heard. That is why this community exists. Here, you do not have to hide your grief or pretend you are over it. Here, you can show up as you are: sad, angry, confused, hopeful, and know that you are not alone in this club none of us asked to join.

We may not have chosen this membership, but together we can choose to make it gentler. We can choose to carry it alongside others who understand. This is your place to land. Welcome.

Join the Grief Squad Community and find your place among others who understand. You don't have to walk this path alone.

About the Author

Susan Repa is the founder of Grief Squad, a compassionate community dedicated to supporting individuals and families navigating loss. Her approach to grief is deeply personal, shaped by her own experiences of loss beginning at age six and continuing throughout her life.

With over 35 years as a Child and Youth Counsellor and more than 20 years as a Registered Massage Therapist, Susan brings both professional expertise and lived experience to her work. She is an ICF Associate Certified Coach (ACC) specializing in grief and bereavement, and holds certificates in Death, Dying, and Bereavement from Wilfrid Laurier University and Dare to Lead™ from Brené Brown.

Susan has served as a Special Advisor at Kemp Care Network and as a Professor at Conestoga College, where she taught Anatomy, Physiology, and Medical Terminology. She is also the creator of the Grief Squad comic book series, designed to help children and teens understand and express their grief in healthy ways.

Through Grief Squad, Susan offers 1:1 grief coaching, group sessions, online workshops, and a supportive community where people can share their stories without judgment. Her mission is simple: to create a space where grief is acknowledged, honoured, and carried together.

Because grief doesn't have a timeline, and you shouldn't have to face it alone.